Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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