my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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