i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
