I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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