drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
