I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
