My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
