and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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