If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
