....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
