I hate your face
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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