Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
