He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
