I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
