I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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