Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
