I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
