I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
