i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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