"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
