She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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