True but thats because hes a fetus.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
