you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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