oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I would ride that face into the sunset
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
