good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
