Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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