Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
