dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
