You made me cry and you don't even care
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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