After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
