rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
