dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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