that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
