after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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