If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
