I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
