peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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