the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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