And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
