Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
