He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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