Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
