Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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