I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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