I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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