theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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