Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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