I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
