That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
