I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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