Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
